Shirren asked the question in facebook under 'My Question' but I couldn't type my anwer in that little space. So...

Question:
What does 'going with the flow mean and where does it 'flow' to?

Answer:

As always there are always to sides of a coin. It depends on the person - how they see the 'flow'.

Definition 1:
A person can identify 'flow' as decision-making, something that can be managed. This person will be able to see the 'choices' and if brave, able and willing to make the 'choice' then will be able and accept where it'll 'flow' to (result). Whether it is a success or failure, what is important is the courage to make the 'choice' and trust ownself (gut feel) and any external forces (friends, family, God etc.) that may influence the result.Summary: You are the 'flow'. When you're 'going with the flow' means you're managing and deciding your life.

Definition 2:
A person who identifies the 'flow' as something unmanageable or as some great external force that is beyond control. Obviously, 'things' will just 'happen' to this person. This person doesn't see any 'choice' but thinks he/she is unwillingly subjected to 'things.' Where the 'flow' goes to? No idea.

Summary:
'Going with the flow' is just being knocked around by other people's 'flow' or God's 'flow'. Where the 'flow' goes to? Sometimes good, sometimes bad - que sera sera.Alas, we're all human with so many interests and influences. We're curious. I think we all bounce from definition 1 & 2 depending on circumstance.

As of 6/3/2007, I have 24 days left to sit at my window seat. Siti and Muthu have been happy here. These are probably the first two plants that haven't died on me. Amethyst, the purple orchids that Kodok and Nina gave me doesn't look too good at home...I' m not good with plants.

Back to my numbered days...yes I've resigned. I'm moving. The new office in the city. I've never worked in the city before, by choice, actually. Every time a headhunter suggested an office in the city, I'd turn her down immediately. It's got to be around Taman Tun Dr. Ismail, Damansara Heights, Bangsar or Petaling Jaya area.

My first job was in Taman Tun Dr. Ismail. I lived there too. I took 5 minutes to get to work, crossed 2 traffic lights. My second job was in Menara MPPJ and I used to live in Bangsar...about 10 minutes to work. Then the office moved to Mid Valley, even better! My current place is 5 minutes from my apartment. I go home to watch Oprah for lunch...Pretty bratty.

I guess, when the offer came, it was surprising. I wanted a change...although I wasn't actively looking for it. I needed to kick myself in the butt so I took it *sigh*

The best is yet to come...

After a month of fasting in Ramadhan, we celebrate for a month is Syawal.

I took a whole week leave from work for this celebration. It's the most exhausting holiday ever every year.

Last day of work - Friday.
Go home. Start packing.

Saturday
Pick up my new clothes.
Pay my bills.
Continue to pack my bags.

Sunday
Off to parents house.
Baked 3 cakes - 1 butter cake, 1 orange cake, 1 chocolate cake.

Monday
Go to aunt's house.
Cooked 13 chickens.
Baked 1 cake - butter cake
Baked chocolate cup cakes
Reply SMS greetings.

Tuesday
Hah! First day of celebration. No more fasting!
Go to mosque in the morning.
Reply SMS greetings.
Attend to 70 odd guests.
Go out to 2 houses

Wednesday
Visited 2 houses.
Missed the 3rd house to go grocery shopping.
Roast 3 chickens with stuffings, 1 roast beef, roast potatoes, roast carrots, make gravy, yorkshire puddings, salad.
Attend to 7 guests ( I think)

Thursday
Refused to go visiting.
Went out grocery shopping again.
Roast 6 chickens with stuffings, 1 roast beef, roast potatoes, roast carrots, make gravy, salad.
No time for yorkshire pudding
Made 4 pizzas - 2 cheese, 2 pepperoni.
Attend to 30 guests (I think)

Friday, Saturday, Sunday
I can't remember
Went home
Crashed

A shocker happened.

SL passed away. Suicide.

I wasn't very close to her. But after being in the same office with her for six years, we've obviously had many chats, lunches and nights out. I went to her house for a party once too. We had diving in common. She, of course, the more experience one and we had many times thought of going together. She did ask me to go for a few trips, but my schedule didn't allow me.

SL was so full of life when I first met her. The old MPPJ office. She's got big eyes and thick lips. I like the way she inhale her cigarette, pursing her thick lips together.

Then she went of to Asiaworks. She came back happily, as if she had a new purpose in life. I just got divorced then and she was still on the Asiaworks high. She wanted to know how I was doing...I guess I was doing better than her because she went into depression. She couldn't work. She'd leave the office in a sudden. She'd leave work hanging. She resigned.

*sigh*

I think she got better after that. Took some time off, got help and a new job. I bumped into her many times and she looked good and happy.

Suddenly, as I was driving to Damansara Heights to pick up the boys, the SMS came. SL had passed away the day before. I went to the wake that night. I met my old colleagues. We were all surprised. It seems that SL hasn't been herself, although she was on a winning streak - she won a trip, won a car even! And someone said she had stopped taking her anti-depressants.

There was a picture of her. She looked young and pretty. I went in to see her coffin. It was open. I didn't want to look. Couldn't. I just want to her remember her as she was before - smiling.

The Haze! It's so horrible and depressing. When I woke up last Saturday and opened my window, I could smell it. Aaarrggghhh. On Sunday, I didn't bother going out to buy dinner. I just made roast beef. By Monday, when I went to work, it looked like it was 7pm at night all morning. Actually, it depressingly looked like London smog.

Good thing Siti and Muthu are in doors. Lucky plants.

Anyway, I think it's clearing up today. I can see the condos in Bangsar from my office window again.

Oooohh...another thing. I was so happy when the Motorola SLVR billboard came down. Finally, the scary looking lady is going down. Hmmpph! Now it got replaced by Motorola KRZR visual...which ain't any better. Why can't Calvin Klein men's underwear advertise on that billboard?

Ooohhh...I moved into my new office. Well, not so new now. We moved 2 floors up in March. I have a bigger desk. More storage space. And a window seat with a view of Jalan Damansara and the green hill across. Lovely.

This picture is showing my first day at work. The office was not all equipped yet. I didn't have a chair! I had to hunt for a chair. The windows didn't have any blinds - which explains the umbrella. The sunshine just caused a glare on the monitor and I can't work.

The blinds didn't come in a day or two. I think we waited a month for it. During that time, I had did a little shopping in Ikea to dress the table. My black umbrella got spoilt from my frequent usage, and I bought another one...

I got Mr. Yellow Crabs for fun from Ikea. Love him.


It's a lot better now. Got the blinds. The top cabinet and shelves. I also got two little money plants, 'Siti' and 'Muthu'. Haven't got pictures of them yet. I do have pictures of a sunset view from my place.



I like it

...except I wish they'd change that the Motorola Slvr billboard already! The girl is just scary, man.

Wow! It's been many moons...

I haven't been busy at work or anything. In fact, it's been pathetic. Get into work at 7:45am and it's bloody cold in the office. I start the computer, get my water and start looking for recipes...since there's not much else to do in the morning. Things only happen after lunch...I wonder why.

As if the morning is reserved for getting our heads on and trying to find a frequency. Actions taken after lunch. Suddenly, the calls start coming. I have to make calls. Oh shit, why didn't anyone tell us in the morning. A mad rush to revise things and put the world back in place before 7:00pm. Why? Why? Why must it happen after lunch? Am I the only morning person?

Oh yeah, I sleep at 10:00pm and am up at 6:00pm. On weekends, I'll be up at 7:30am; latest 8:00am. I love mornings. A new day. So many hours for me to do stuff. Run errands, watch morning TV, go to the mall, roll in bed...*sigh* The world will be a better place with more morning people.

Kekasih
Usman Awang

Akan kupintal buih-buih
menjadi tali
mengikatmu

Akan kuanyam gelombang-gelombang
menjadi hamparan
ranjang tidurmu

Akan kutenun awan-gemawan
menjadi selendang
menudungi rambutmu

Akan kujahit bayu gunung
menjadi baju
pakaian malammu

Akan kupetik bintang timur
menjadi kerongsang
menyinari dadamu

Akan kujolok bulan gerhana
menjadi lampu
menyuluhi rindu

Akan kurebahkan matahari
menjadi laut malammu
menghirup sakar madumu

Kekasih, hitunglah mimpi
yang membunuh realiti
dengan syurga ilusi...



Beautiful, ain't it?

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

-Robert Frost-

I thought it pretty. I'm not a literary expert but hey, I did watch, The Outsiders. Does anyone remember that movie? I saw it when I was 10 and I still remember this poem.

Hi I'm Bubbles. Meet my other half, Nayumi.
You always chase after something you can't get. That's my story with Nayumi. She's not real. I just like her hair.

I saw Nayumi when I was on my way to my Client's office. There she was on a billboard. I just like her hair.

Many days passed, many rides through the same route, I see her on the billboard. I kept telling everybody I wanted hair like hers. Everyone didn't know who I was referring to. Except TW. She tore a print ad for me. I've got three print ads of her in front of me now.

Finally, I thought of giving her a name - Nayumi. I just like her hair.